“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.”
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden
I remember one of my graduate professors describing the process of therapeutic work as being very similar to taking a hike through the woods. There will be times, he said, when you enter into darker areas, dense with trees. Places where it will be wisest to look where you are placing your feet instead of ahead. Places where you might need to help yourself along by holding onto your surroundings with your hands – where, as such, you’ll be drawn to notice the details – the leaves, the grounding scent of wet earth, the textures of the life around you. And then there will be times when you find elevated clearings. Where the sun will be bright and full and you can see the landscape around you. Places where things are clear and you can’t help but see the big picture.
I have always loved this analogy, and have shared it often with my patients when the work hits it’s moments of pain and difficulty. I have remembered it myself when dark and sadder times have seemed to occlude the light. And I hold it not only as a beautiful way of describing the fluctuating challenges of therapeutic process – (or more simply, life) – but also as a reminder of the great importance of recognizing and appreciating the existence of both the whole and its parts and the magnificent interplays between and among them. Because – while we are often warned not to miss the forest for the trees – there would be no forest without them.
One of the challenges here is holding onto awareness of the whole while examining the parts, and onto awareness of the parts while experiencing the whole. And then there’s the challenge of allowing yourself to be comfortable in the limits of your beautiful human mind and its finite capacity for perception.
As many ancient traditions have recognized – truth is held in the parts as well as in the whole. And so our task is then to balance the holding on and the letting go. You cannot see the parts and the whole at the same time, and so you must hold onto one while letting the other go, all the while maintaining the awareness that both are always there. Let me try and explain what I mean.
I recall a very brief moment when I was a child of about 2 or 3. I was in the kitchen with my mother who stood at the counter – making sandwiches, I think. I was only tall enough to be eye level with the top shelf of our refrigerator, and so I remember standing there with the task of getting the mayonnaise. “We don’t have any,” I remember thinking. “It’s right there,” I can hear her saying. And then I remember seeing her standing next to me, reaching her hand into the refrigerator. To my great horror and astonishment her hand moved to the space directly in front of my eyes where it had been sitting all along. And so here, dear reader, I now offer you a glimpse into my (then merely blossoming) neuroses – because I recall feeling terrified that there was something horribly wrong with me. There it was – right in front of me – but I had missed it. I now know, of course, that my oversight in this type of situation was not uncommon, but it never really feels good, does it?
But in that one moment I was offered many lessons. Just because you don’t see something does not mean it is not there – and this can be true of anything – magic, meaning, even mayonnaise. Sometimes you don’t see things because you are looking too hard. And sometimes – you can miss the trees for the forest… But it’s okay, it’s all there.
And so what guidance or wisdom can I try and offer you here? I’ll share what I turn to myself – breathe. Just breathe.
Breathe in deeply and feel your connection to, and capacity to hold the element of air. Feel it fill your lungs and charge you. Connect. Release.
Breathe in and allow yourself to feel your connection to the element of earth. Feel the strength of your muscles and the grounding structure of your bones. Connect. Release.
Breathe in again, and allow yourself to feel your connection to the element of fire. Acknowledge the spark of life within you – the passions and drive – the power of your spirit. Connect. Release.
Breathe in – and this time – allow yourself to become aware of your body’s connection to water. Feel the blood flowing and its beautiful rush of life. Connect. Release.
You are within life, and life is within you. However you look at it (or don’t), its all there.
